I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
