i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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