she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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