Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
