Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
