my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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