i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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