forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
