Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
