You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
