i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
