You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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