you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
