1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
