I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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