the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
