Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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