I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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