Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
