Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
