My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
