I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
This house was built for laser tag.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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