My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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