I love black thongs
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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