Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
