No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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