I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
