Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
