Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
