I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
