i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
