I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
