I want to have your abortion
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
