i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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