I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
