the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize