Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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