I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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