i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
