Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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