For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
