If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize