I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
