i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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