Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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