She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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