big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
