next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
