It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
