no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
