We're facebook friends in real life
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
