oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
