I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
send nudes
from the living room?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize