Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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