i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
