I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
