Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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