i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
