guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Are we still banned from the library?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
