I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
