Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
