WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize