did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she peed on how many people?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
