Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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