I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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