you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
