Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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