3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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