I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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