I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
